Tired of being Tired!

Lately, I noticed my temper has not been too good. I've been easily explosive and irritated.

Did some soul searching and found out the problem.

1) There are seriously some stupid people around me. Some are really selfish. For instance, girls. I know some girls who are pretty and I would say they have this Pretty Girl Syndrome where they are used to get things they want in the way they want it. They expect me to treat them so nicely like how other guys are doing. Well, I say "Dream On!". Just because the rest of the world treats you like a princess because they want a piece of you, don't expect me to be the same. Don't think I would be another one of your "slave". The fact is, I don't care who you are and no, I don't want a piece of you. I'm disgusted. When confronting you, you act innocently and as if you were unaware. Well, I don't believe in it. So anyway, I'll only treat you like an ordinary friend, so please don't expect more.

2) There are really some cheapskate rich people around me. Darn man. They are far richer than me yet more calculative. When Rm9 is split between 2 people, he has to always pay RM4.50, with all the coins. At times, I just pay RM5 and he pay RM4 so that it won't be so troublesome. When its his turn, wow.... And if RM10.00 is split between 3 person, he would pay RM3.30. He would never be the one paying RM3.40. Just 10 sen difference. Sigh. Sometimes I wonder, even a poor man like me can be generous and not so calculative with friends, why can't a more capable rich friend at least do the same?

3) There are some people who only befriend others just because they are of benefit to them. When someone isn't of benefit to them, they wouldn't even bother being nice. There is this intention behind every friendship made. How cruel is that? When someone is less capable than you and can't contribute much to you, you tend to neglect them? Only when you need them, you be nice to them? I say, "Screw You!". Let me teach you a lesson of friendship. Regardless of status, ability and wealth, you make friends with someone because you love them. It is that simple! If you're not capable of generous love, I pity you. Not everything is like business where you only make connections when it benefits you....You disgust me on your views of friendship.

4) I am hating what I've become. Sometimes I dislike myself till an extent I want to hurt myself. I procrastinate at night, sleeping late so that I could sleep in lecture the next morning. It is very unlike me but I guess a part deep down of me just want to cause harm to me. But sadly, I also love myself to some extent that after procrastinating, I make sure I revise a little and do my tutorials, causing me to sleep super late. Sigh. I'm pretty screwed up lately.

I was once easily angered because it was on my nerves. Now I've reached a point where I don't even bother. I am having this, "screw it" attitude. I don't even bother anymore. Pointless. It just makes me more angry and disappointed. So why bother such things when it only stresses you out. I'm just so tired lately of the world, of my surroundings that I would just want to give up, take a break, relax and just sleep. That is why most of the time you're either seeing me gaming or assignment-ing or sleeping. Drowning myself with things to do seems to be a temporarily solution lately. This is what happens when you're disconnected from Him.

Time to reconnect my modem with Him. To reach Him, I must first reach my modem once again.